I am finding my champion.
HIM.
I can P*ssytwinkle all the live long day-
Loving what I love,
Desiring what I desire,
feeeeeling what I feel-
without creating the thing I really want
when I don’t have HIM.
Without HIM,
P*ssytwinkle is just a dream.
A divinely-inspired, amorphous potential for life.
A twinkle in my eye.
An unfertilized egg.
SHE cannot conceive her dreams in the flesh without HIS “tools” of creation.
I conceived “P*ssytwinkle” to heal my relationship with me,
with HER.
What I did not anticipate was that P*ssytwinkle would heal my relationship with HIM.
But of course.
The power of the egg is sitting pretty in her desires,
and beckoning HIM into HER..
The story my of relationship with HIM-
the men of the earth,
my own assertiveness,
this world-
has been one of shaky trust.
Of longing to trust the masculine in my life to honor and cherish me.
And to be the provider of what I desire.
I compensated for my lack of trust
by over-functioning:
ignoring my needs,
denying my desires,
gaslighting my feelings.
I can create without P*ssytwinkle.
I used to do that all the time,
using the “tools” of this masculine world that is largely dis-entwined from HIS partnership with HER:
forcing, conquering, and bloodying myself
in my extremely high-pressure corporate job,
in my art studio,
in my relationships.
But in doing so, I annihilated HER-
P*ssytwinkle. ME.
That forcing, controlling type of Masculine “tool” is the Bully.
I never love what I create when I am lead to create by the Bully.
He is not to be mistaken for HIM:
HE who cherishes HER
and her divinely inspired desire for fullness,
for life,
for love.
Who champions HER,
co-creating with her to birth her desires into reality,
By giving them form and structure with his “tools”.
As LOVER,
FATHER,
GOD.
CO-CREATOR.
Out In the world.
AND IN ME.
HE is the champion in me when:
I lovingly and firmly lead myself to exercise and eat well because I desire health.
I lovingly and firmly lead myself through my fear of making art because I desire the fun of creating.
I lovingly and firmly lead myself to my tend to my finances so that I am provided for.
I lovingly and firmly lead myself to accept responsibility for my mistepps and make repairs, because I desire to live as an instrument of love and not my ego.
I lovingly and firmly lead myself to learn new tools when I resist learning them, because I desire satisfaction and success.
I lovingly and firmly say NO to lack of respect, (from within or without), because I desire to be loved.
I lovingly and firmly accept no less than what I am worth because I am a divine being.
WHEN I LEAD and PROVIDE for MYSELF.
AND I lead myself when I submit to being lead by a trustable HIM- a teacher, a leader, a lover, the Universe- who is devoted to my desire for life and love- and has the tools that are able to co-create with me.
P*ssytwinkle is helping me discover HIM-
what he sounds like,
what he stands for,
what he does,
what he provides for me.
Within and without.
This is P*ssytwinkle.
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