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The provision of his NO.

When he refuses to be responsible for my projections, he leads me deeper into intimacy with myself.

Last weekend was all about him focusing and working on updating my condo.

But I was feeling the ache of something missing with him- a connection, closeness, intimacy.

And I blamed it on him as an "Emotionally Unavailable Man".

So I did what I learned to do waaaaay back when I don't have my needs met-

I strategized:

I tried to steer our conversations away from what he was talking about (the outside world and my condo to-do list), to what I wanted to talk about, (the world of us).

I can't honestly remember what I talked about. But I do remember that it felt grasping, controlling and a bit desperate.

Because I was all up in my mind, circling all around the ache of my desire without actually touching it's tender core.

And he felt it.

He was confused, he felt controlled, and he didn't like it. Instead of pulling him closer to me, I felt him moving farther away.

This is what we do when we don't believe that we can be bare-naked with what we feel, what we want, what is true for us:

We try to slink through the servants entrance with our needs, hoping that they won't be seen but desperately needing them to be.

And when they aren't, our fears our confirmed: He in an emotionally unavailable man.

My man-like most men- is an energetic genius.

He does not suffer my projection, blame, and feeling saddled with the job of solving my problem when he's in the dark about what it is.

When he's in the dark about what I need.

What my man requires to be available for me is to FEEL ME clearly and cleanly, in my desires.

He reminds me of this, time and time again, by NOT being available when I am not clear.

And I am not clear to him when I am not clear to myself.

When I circle all around the ache of my desire without actually touching it within IN MYSELF.

When I slink my needs through the servants entrance within myself, because they are afraid to exist.

When I don't feel my own truth, needs and desires, no one else can feel them either.

Not my energetic genius man, or the energetic genius that is life and the Universe. (And I when they don't show up for me, I wonder why!)

The raw, vulnerable self-reveal of our longings is an offering:

"Come to me. I miss you. I want you."

And perhaps, "I don't quite know what that looks like yet."

Who wouldn't melt feeling THAT?


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