I can't help but be like a lobster, shedding my old calcified shell when it starts to pinch and chafe and bind.
Freeing myself of the egoic protection that once served but then stunts my growth. Learning to hold myself with compassion in my breath-taking vulnerability- naked and exposed- but no longer bound to the limiting structures of my ego.
Over and over again.
That sh*t is hard. My systems is as hardwired to seek safety as any other tender-bodied creature of this earth, divinely ordained to survive.
But I have never, ever, ever been able to tolerate confines of my own limitations once I see them. And when I see them, I can't unsee them. Even through my tears.
And another healing journey begins.
Some of them I can strip off easily. And some, my ego is very attached to and thinks I literally can't live without.
Because what is left when all protection from the elements of life is stripped away?
Me. Naked and innocent as a babe. Created to participate in the extreme sport of evolution.
Knowing, deep deep down, that my place is in the garden of Eros, connected to all that is with all that I am. Unique and in-oneness with all at the same time.
Eros is high sensation. It is life on full blast. It's Buckle up Buttercup stuff where I laugh my most joyous laugh and cry my most bitter tears.
Little ol' me, I sometimes muse, riding the BIG RIDE. Sometimes dancing on my mountain top. Sometimes on my knees, scared out of my mind.
And those codes of evolution and creation? They are desire.
Desire that the co-creative energies within myself, the terrestrial world and the cosmos requires from me in order to create with me.
The co-creative energies need to FEEL me to create what I want with me. And for them to feel me, I must feel myself. I must be FEEL-ABLE. Because to be feelable in my desire is my creative superpower.
And my one fear that tops all my fears? Regret. Regret that I didn't play full-tilt in the garden of the Eros of life, unshielded from the truth of what my desire calls me to become: In integrity with myself without ego. Whole AS ME and who I was made to be.
That's the only way to play the game.
This is me. And this is you.
I love you, you tender, beautiful creatures.
With all my heart, I do.
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