...and out of another closet I come.
I admit it. Becoming a coach was at least partly driven by my aversion to feeling pain- mine or anyone else’s- and wanting to “fix” it.
David Bedrick, whose gorgeous, signature work is Unshaming, says this, “We are rarely witnessed as medicine carriers- medicine we are cooking alchemically- in the space of our wound.”
In the space of our wound.
Pain is a way that the Divine has a word with us.
Especially when it makes us feel the injuries we inflict upon ourselves when we live out of alignment.
Speaking of the Divine...
I was raised in an agnostic home. I am not religious.
So when I first began studying under my Masculine/Feminine polarity teacher, Gillian Pothier, I would slurp up everything she taught, but politely pass on the “healing with the Masculine by opening to the God” part.
And prior to my own P*ssytwinkle revelation, what I am about to say would have had me rolling my eyes and looking for the exit:
It happened when I was on my knees: I felt the Divine flow into me.
You know, like they say in church.
As in... God.
As in the Divine Masculine counterpart to my inner Feminine- Protector, Champion, Father, Lover- and who I never saw coming.
I feel sooo out-of-the-closet vulnerable saying this! And I know that some of you ladies are already there and already know.
There were three times in the last year when I heard HIM- times when I was wallowing in a self-shame pile:
“You are my Cherished & Beloved Daughter. This right here is bullshit. It's bad for you and it stops now.”
And-
“Well done, Linda. Well done. You have arrived in the exact place I want you at the exact time I want you here.”
And after moving into my condo-
“Let go, fall into my arms and FEEL. I’ve got you.”
All of which lead me to make huge, healthy shifts in my relationship with myself.
Is God masculine?
Or a Feminine Goddess?
The Divine must embody both creational energies to be so magnificently creative.
And… when, as a Feminine being, I decided to open up myself to the penetration of the Masculine aspect of the Divine, something happened within me:
I experienced the character of the Masculine as supremely benevolent, infinitely loving and provisional.
I began to heal my relationship with the Masculine within myself, replacing my critical, demanding tyrant inner-Masculine with the cherishing, protecting, providing Masculine template that I felt from the Masculine aspect of God:
A Masculine energy that cherishes me,
that delights in me as it’s creational muse,
that is in exhaustingly curious about what I desire and invites me to desire even more,
that attunes to me and provides for me in ways more brilliantly than I can do for myself,
(OMG everyday the exact thing I need to hear and learn comes to me),
and that is strong enough to hold me through ALL my emotions, creating a safe place for me to surrender to their wisdom and drink their medicine.
The strong Masculine bank that contains my flowing Feminine river. (Nod to David Deida.)
The gardener to my bed of flowers.
What is God? Who can possibly know? I am still feeling a little allergic to the word- but I'm getting over it.
If it is true- and I believe it is- that there is no part of us that is separate from the Divine, then it is IN us, as a higher knowing.
Always WITH us.
Always FOR us.
Opening to receive the Masculine aspect of God and letting it reconfigure my relationship with my own inner Masculine is P*ssytwinkle®.
And it is Divine.
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