I did that thing I know not to do and coach not to do. I'll just call it my lab work. (Ha! You're welcome...?)
This is what happened:
I love my work. I love all the creative ways that I can do my work. And I love what I create for my work. And the creation of my work is entirely fueled by my muse: By Her- the creative, Feminine energy part of me, loving what I love, wanting what I want, intuiting, inspiring, and desiring.
And my Feminine Muse's creative longing activates my Masculine "let's do this thing" energy part of me to actually bring what I love into the 3-D world with the tools and processes and structures.
So. Much. Fun.
Until- the “doing” takes precedent over the reason for doing.
When my Feminine Muse, instead of being the inspiration, becomes the servant, yanked along by my Masculine Producer, which has morphed from Cherishing Champion to Toxic Bully, starving her of inspirational nourishment, and extorting what little she has left.
How do I know I did this?
I have been feeling cranky, flat, stressed and depleted.
My partner misses me. I miss me.
Of course, I did this to myself. I let my Masculine Producer manspread all over my Feminine Muse.
Why? Because the toxic version of the Masculine, within and in the world, is motivated by fear of failure, addicted to work, dependent on success, stuck in the mind, and out of touch with the needs and feelings of our Feminine energy- WHICH IS WHAT INSPIRES THE MASCULINE TO BRING TO LIFE OUR MOST BEAUTIFUL AND TRUE CREATIONS IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Sometimes, I replace my love of creating with my fear of failing. And the unhealthy version of my inner Masculine extorts my Muse.
A healthy Masculine Champion, within and in the world, honors our Feminine Muse- her feelings, her needs, her desires.
He creates a safe environment for her. He is a supportive and encouraging guiding force. He has discipline and knows when to be focused. He serves our highest good.
I am calling in my Masculine Champion within today. He is guiding me, lovingly and firmly, back to the tool and structures support me: Meditation, gratitude, nourishment, play, movement, music and art.
Back to my Muse, the source of my inspiration: What I love and desire.
Because, as my teacher, Gillian Pothier, says, “The Masculine leads, but the Feminine goes first.”
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